The Company You Keep
"Be wary of the company you keep. For they are a reflection of who you are, or who you want to be."
Success is something most of us say we want. There are people that have made millions of dollars telling others how to be successful. Success in the form of wealth and possessions is celebrated and pushed in modern society. It’s inherent in most people that they aspire to be greater than they currently are, at least in the way they talk and what they value. Life is about change. Everything in this world is subject to change. Even in nature, nothing is constant, and that change is either going to be growth or stagnancy. Stagnancy is not a lack of growth in nature it is a process of death. Humanity has been able to continue to grow and overcome nature’s pull through ingenuity and creativity. However, we’ve also been able to utilize something on a much higher level than the rest of nature…Community.
I talked about the importance of building a support team in No Man Wins Alone. Today, I’m discussing how your support team is a reflection of you. I don’t believe a man’s downfall or success is all his own. In most cases, that person is the most responsible for where he is in life. Not his rich father, not his deadbeat dad, not the repressive hand of the dominant society, not his haters, not his fraternity, not his wife, not his momma. While all of those things can contribute to his success or failure. He is the one most responsible for this success and failure as he is usually its only common denominator. I believe in holding one’s self accountable in both the wins and the losses. Taking ownership of your own actions is a key part of growth. Assessing the entire situation is necessary to understand every point of failure or success, who contributed to them and how, but focusing on one’s own contributions is how you improve over time.
That being said we still need others in this thing called life. Humanity’s ability to thrive and master this world despite being one of its weaker creatures physically has been a combination of creativity and community. Community allows us to move from being a little needle individually to becoming a giant broad sword as a group, able to cut through and pierce almost anything. The individual is weak. So weak in fact that the most elite, strongest, best-trained people in hand-to-hand combat are extremely unlikely to win an unarmed street fight with 3 people. All it usually takes is 3 untrained people to secure a victory over someone who has trained and prepared for 20+ years and is the very best at what they do. Nature shows us all the time that very few people have what's required to run solo in this world and have any modicum of success.
Its going to be L City for you if you don’t have a support system
Most People Have a Support System
We’ve already talked about building a support system. Most people have one in some way. Typically a couple of family members, a couple of friends we met in college, a friendly co-worker, the people we grew up with. While it’s not a Rolls-Royce caliber support system it’s probably at least as good as a high mileage Toyota Corrolla. It gets you where it needs to be, it has its issues but they can usually be resolved pretty easily. It goes without saying that the Rolls Royce is faster, has more creature comforts, and will help you get to places you couldn’t get to in the Corolla. At the same time, that Rolls-Royce is much more costly to maintain and you have to be of a certain caliber financially to even purchase one. The same is true of high-quality support systems. If your value-add to that high caliber support system isn’t high enough you won’t have that support system very long. This is why many of us don’t have, can’t get, or can’t maintain high-caliber support systems. We are not of a value that justifies the support system forming around us.
It’s About You
Many of us are where we are because we have inferior support systems to those we have to compete against. There is a person applying for that job you want that already knows the hiring manager (or someone who knows him/her), there is someone that already has a personal relationship with that business client you want, there is someone that already has an inside track for that Business school you’re trying to get into, there is someone that already has an introduction to that mentor you wanted. Some people win the lottery and are born into really good support systems. They have a father and mother that have already have all the connections that they will ever need. For the rest of us plebians, we have to rely on ourselves. If you look around and you have mediocre friends, you’re probably mediocre. If your friends don’t inspire you, you probably aren’t inspiring. I believe most people are reflections of their friend circle and of their support team. Do you find it hard to make friends of the caliber you want? There’s a good chance you’re going about it the wrong way or something about you is repelling the types of people you want to be around. We love to make excuses when it comes to this stuff. “People just can’t handle the real” or “People stereotype me because of x” or my favorite “People are just scared of my greatness”. The thing all of these have in common is that it’s someone else’s fault that most of the people you want to be around don’t want to be around you. That’s scapegoating and the fact that you do that might be part of the very reason that those people you want to be around don’t want to be around you.
All Support Systems are not created equal
It is Your Support System
The company you keep is like the clothes you wear. They are a reflection of who you are. If you have a good support system others will be able to see it from the moment you step in the room. If you have a varied group in your support system you will have the right fit for any occasion. A strong support system can help keep you warm when it's cold, cool when it’s hot, and dry when it’s raining. At the same time, a support system can get you laughed out of a room, keep you from being able to pivot quickly when change comes, and have you ill-prepared for opportunities when they arise. Your support system can keep your mind soft or force it to become stronger, and it can keep you stagnant or inspire you to grow. You’ll know it’s time to update your support team when there is no longer a value exchange between the both of you. You should be inspiring, lifting, and depositing back into your support circle the same way they do you. Sometimes we grow in different directions, we aren’t the same way now that we started, and that is the way nature is designed. You’re either living or dying and both cause change over time. At that point, you may need to walk out of the lives of some and into the lives of others.
Your support system can help take you to the super bowl or help ensure you never win a game in life. It’s easy to be able to blame your team for not executing, but usually, somewhere in there you probably weren’t executing either. You are always at the center of your demise or success and your support system will be a reflection of that. Winners don’t like playing with losers, and losers don’t like doing what’s required to play with winners. Who you are surrounded by is a reflection of who you are. Your support system isn’t what makes you, you make your support system, so whether it’s a brand new Rolls-Royce or a Civic with holes in the floorboard you’re still the one that bought it and drive it.
Nick Saban once said, “High Performers hate working with mediocre people and mediocre people detest working with high performers.”
Which one are you?