No Man Wins Alone
“We Rise by lifting others”
A Support System is REQUIRED.
People like to posture like they don’t need anyone. Saying things like “I had to get it on my own”, “I didn’t have no help”, “I’m Self-Made.”
That lone wolf shxt may sound sexy but it’s stupid. You know what happens to lone wolves? They end up dead way before their time because they don’t have a support system. Winter is cold and there is strength in a pack. They don’t have anyone to fall back to. They don’t have anyone to see advice from. They don’t have anyone holding them accountable. They don’t have anyone to promote their endeavors. They don’t have anyone to help them grow. Animals figure this out really quickly because daily life in the wild is unrelenting. Cheetahs don’t care if that Springbok is having a bad day, or is too prideful to be with the other Springbok, it’s going to be lunch because that Cheetah is going to die if he doesn’t hunt. The Springbok understands that too. Pride and ego don’t have a place with animals that aren’t apex predators, and even most of them operate in some sort of community in order to survive. Humans are not the exact same. Plenty of people are loners but the most accomplished, most successful, most influential people are those with a support system that feeds them in all the ways they need to stay at the top of their game. You can do many things on your own and it’s good to be as ndependent as possible. However, the more people that are there to support you in a tangible way the faster you can get to your destination.
The Cheetah ain’t thinking about how you feel.
Oftentimes, people let their ego, pride, or in my case traumatic experiences, keep them from plugging into a strong support system. For me, it was always about “being a burden” and believing that I should be all I need. It’s good to be a self-starter and every man wants to be able to stand on his own two feet and be able to deliver consistently without the assistance of others. There is a point where that sense of independence will hamper you. Being strong on your own is good in those situations where you have to but refusing, forgoing, or ignoring the assistance others can provide is basically playing the game on hard mode for no reason. It doesn’t make you strong it can actually make you weaker. I used the example of the Springbok and the Cheetah in the animal kingdom. Well, the Cheetah in this case is life and the circumstances it will bring. Can you survive the big problems life brings on your own? Sure and many people do. Is it harder to? Yes. The point of the support system is to help you as you help others. Being the guy who doesn’t need anyone and doesn’t want any help being the man that wants to take the slow route to growth and improvement.
Iron sharpens Iron
Pro-athletes train together in their off-season, even when they are on different teams. Sprinters often train together even though there can only be one person on top of the podium. Decision-makers at rival companies often go to the same workshops and work together on projects unrelated to their companies. Scientists collaborate in conducting research, creators work together in producing new content. Why do people look to work together even when they competing against each other toward the same goal? Because they seek growth and improvement by any means, even if that includes collaborating with potential rivals. Strong people push other strong people to be even stronger. Having people in your team that will push you will help you grow and improve. There are many ways people in your support system can push you to grow. It could be co-working in the same space. It could be working out together. It could be with a conversation that you draw energy from. For me personally, I draw inspiration from seeing people in my support system win and grow. It’s not a competition but when I see them run faster (proverbially), have a breakthrough, or get closer to a goal it inspires me to continue pushing toward my own goals, to focus, and to stay consistent. For others though, that friendly competition is necessary to get them to elevate. Competition is healthy and when you can do it with others who have your best interests at heart it will help you grow. In my experience, there are two dangers to the friendly competition method of getting better. They both occur when you aren’t competing with the right people. The first is when you’re competing with those too far above or below your current capability. When they are too far above your current capability it can be very discouraging, but if you’re strong-minded it can be a good way to see how you're getting better over time. When they are too far below your level it’s no longer competitive and you may slack off. The second danger is when that friendly competition stops getting friendly. It’s kind of self-explanatory but we’ve all played a game with someone who’s a sore loser. When they start losing they get bitter, they start blaming people, they start projecting. No one wants to deal with that type of person. We all have our faults, so it doesn’t mean you should automatically let them go but you should have a good idea of who they “friendly competition” method isn’t going to work with.
Don’t be that guy.
Who Is Holding You Accountable?
Everyone needs someone to hold them accountable. That person should first and foremost be you, but having an accountability partner can be a game-changer. An accountability partner has a couple of bonuses that keeping yourself accountable doesn’t have. The first is that they can be a source of motivation and strength when you are feeling low on energy, discipline, or commitment. My accountability partners remind me in both deed and action to stay committed to my goals, to stay focused, and to keep pushing. Sometimes I don’t want to do something, but when I know that I gave someone else my word that I was going to do it, it can give me that little push to get it done. The second is that they have a different vantage point of you than you do. They can see things in your actions that could be keeping you from your goals that you may not see or realize because of your vantage point. That capability to see and analyze what you are doing from a different perspective can be a huge difference maker.
This aint a one way street
When you band together you can push harder
A support system should be a healthy give and take. You may have a bunch of good people around you, but if you aren’t pouring into them then you aren’t being a healthy part of the support system. People are not here to serve you and a good support system is not just about people meeting your goals. Even in business direct reports are compensated for their efforts with wages. The people in your support circle or team should be able to immediately say what you do for them that helps them grow or improve. If they can’t you either aren’t delivering or they aren’t the best fit for your support system. You should know what those close to you really think about how you treat them. If they aren’t willing to tell you then you’re probably the bad apple. Selfish people do not usually have healthy support systems which means they usually have to be mentally stronger.
So how do you build a “team”
What type of team you need depends primarily on your strengths, weaknesses, and personality. It will determine what types of people your team needs and what their disposition needs to be to work best with you. I’m an introverted person who is naturally analytical, is harder on myself than anyone else, and I have a tendency to get distracted fairly easily. That being said these are key roles in my support team:
Mental/Emotional Coach
Physical Inspiration
Business Mentor
Confidant
Social Buddy
My mind can be pretty tangled up. It’s a topic for another time but I have a tendency to think on a bunch of different levels. Having someone to help me untangle all of that goes a long way. It’s someone I recommend everyone have on their team. Emotionally I don’t have very many variances. I’m usually irritated, frustrated, sad, or contemplative. That’s pretty much it. I like to trust my mental and emotional wellness to the best I can afford, so I have a therapist. I see her every week rain or shine and it’s something that has paid dividends in so many ways. Getting a good mental/emotional coach is fairly simple but isn’t always easy. I recommend a life coach or therapist for this person. Use your healthcare benefits to lower costs and if your benefits don’t cover someone there are many alternatives for free counseling both online and in person. What works best for me is someone I have a rapport with that, that I’m comfortable talking to, that has a good manner of guidance.
Physical Inspiration for me comes from so many places some of them are people that I don’t even interact with other than on social media. I don’t consider people you don’t interact with as team members but it's good to draw inspiration from anywhere as long as it is healthy and doesn’t affect your expectations. My Physical inspirations aren’t all people that are more physically fit than I am, most of them actually aren’t, but they are all people that I see taking a consistent interest in their physical health through diet and exercise. Physical inspiration isn’t necessary for everyone but if it's something you need (a healthy body contributes to a healthy mind) then the immediate cheat code can be using a personal trainer. If you don’t want to spend that money hopefully someone you’re close to works out. Use that person, pick their brain. People that work out consistently usually like to talk about fitness.
Business Mentors are necessary for the space I’m in as an entrepreneur. Like any vocation, profession, or even hobby, if you want to get better getting a coach or advisor will help you grow faster. I have several business/professional mentors. I speak with them often and intentionally. I selected them intentionally the same way they selected me intentionally. They help me grow with personal and professional advice and allow me access to their networks and bring me behind the curtain of how they got to be successful. Getting a mentor can be a process. The details of which I’ll be sharing in a later entry. Just know that if you want a mentor you need to be someone who is thriving in the position you’re already in, whether that’s personally or professionally.
The Confidant and the Social Buddy are usually two of the easiest people to have on your team because they are usually friends. Mine are people that have been in my life for a long time that are really good friends that I really trust. Everyone doesn’t need the confidant but most of us usually have one. It’s the person you tell things you don’t want everyone to know, the first one to hear a new development in your development, the person you vent to. The social buddy is the person you go out with to blow off some steam. That could be a stop at happy hour, the person you go get lunch with, or that person you pregame with before you guys head out for a night on the town. The Social buddy and Confident help keep you socially regulated and are the best ones to let out that negative energy that can build up over time and create some levity for you.
In my experience, good support systems form organically but intentionally. They aren’t programmed. It’s not like you take an ad out on a job site that says “Wanted: Support system”. You have to be aware of who you are, how you’re perceived, and how you can help others. It’s helped me build a strong team over time. I believe having the mindset to pour into others has made others more willing to pour into me.
- Rob Immortal