We've Got to Do Better
“When you play the Blame Game Everyone Loses”
This Blog is called Grown Man Shxt for a Reason
This entry is going to be a little bit different. I’ve been noticing some problems in “us” (men) as a group. I’m going to call some of those things out and it isn’t going to be pretty. There is going to be a group of people that are going to call me a “white knight”, another group is going to say I’m trying to get “chose”, and another group is going to say I don’t know what it’s like. I don’t have an issue with anyone’s opinion because just like my opinion everyone has a right to their own. Just know that I have the best intentions in writing this because I believe every man should be looking to improve. These opinions are only related to men because as a man I can speak with some perspective on this. I also believe that it’s easier to receive a thought from the person that shares your gender because they are less likely to be malicious and more likely to be compassionate.
What is Manhood to Me
Let me say this before I go in. I believe a man’s natural position in his household, community, region, and country is one of leadership. Leadership starts with one’s self. A man who lacks discipline, social skills, consistency, and lack of desire is a broken man. He sorely needs therapy to target the root cause of his struggles and a circle of men around him that will inspire him to do better. If a man cannot lead himself he cannot lead others. I believe the natural disposition of a man should be benevolent and gentlemanly. His demeanor should be a pleasant and personable one, one of control and insight, not unruly and malicious. A man should have great strength and look to give to others before taking for himself. He should have control of his emotions, thoughts, and actions as others will be looking to him in a chaotic moment. He should be looking to protect and guide those he has been made responsible for which requires that he has a competent understanding of self-defense, a healthy body, and an understanding of what is required in the moment. He should always be looking to deescalate a situation and violence should be his very last resort when all other ways to a solution have or will fail. He should hold himself to a high standard and should always be looking to improve himself mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Now let me be clear, I am not all of these things at the highest level. There are plenty from this that I struggle with and will be working on for the rest of my life. A man should at the very least aspire to and be working toward being those things I listed above. The premier man is one that embodies all of these items and is an example of them to other men.
How grown men pull up to get a drink
Scapegoating
Not going to lie, I start tuning out whenever I see a man pointing the finger at other people for his own situation. It’s disappointing. It shows a lack of personal accountability and poor (if any) leadership. As I stated I believe the natural position of a man is one of leadership. We’ve all worked for someone that wants to make things someone else’s fault. That person is always a dogshxt manager. He’s pointing the finger at what someone else should’ve done and never discusses what he should be doing or is doing to improve the situation. In the case of a shxtty manager you can always move to a different department or get another job, but what do you do when you can’t run away from yourself? The real danger of scapegoating isn’t the people you alienate over time by being a donkey, it’s the blindness you keep by scapegoating others. If you refuse to see something you can’t fix it. If it’s always someone else’s fault then you are missing an opportunity to grow. Too many of us are blaming others for our problems. You are the one in charge of you. Whatever the successes, whatever the failures, you are the one responsible. You are the CEO of your life, you are the Commander-in-Chief of your destiny. Take the reigns and take your place as the final decision maker in your life. When you fuk* up own it, examine it, grow from it. When you meet the goal own it, examine it, grow from it. All of your life’s decisions are learning opportunities. When you blame others you miss a great opportunity to grow from it and you are forgoing future success every time you do.
The Great Weakness
What is a man’s greatest weakness? Sex. I was going to say women but every man aint into women and I’m trying to be more inclusive. I’m going to talk women because that’s what I’m into but if you aren’t swap it out with whatever gender fits your fancy. That being said, a lot of men have a women problem. I don’t mean women make his life hard, I mean he makes his life hard using women. This may sound crazy but there are men that work hard for the purpose of attracting women. Not to improve himself, not to gain new experience, acquire power, or live in his potential but because he wants to get laid. There are men who work out not because they want to be healthy or strong or live longer more productive lives, but because he knows women (stereotypically) like muscles he’s in the gym. There are men who buy fast cars and dress well, not because they enjoy being fashionable enjoy motorsports, but because they know women (stereotypically) like well dress men in Ferraris. Those guys are kinda corny (imo) for reasons I’ll get into in a minute but at least they are high performers. Then there’s this irredeemable other guy. This guy is financially insecure, if he doesn’t get a paycheck within the next 45 days his life basically stops. This guy is directionless, he doesn’t have a 10-year plan because he doesn’t have a five-year plan, because he doesn’t have a 1-year plan. However, this guy is on several dating apps, he goes out every week, he’s partying, he’s talking to several women. Dating a being social with women isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually very healthy a normal, but if your life ain’t together then you have your priorities out of order. If a man’s primary motivation in life is a woman he’s lost. A man’s motivation should be himself, his life plan, and his goals first. This internal motivation will keep him going when external motivation fails or isn’t available. The other issue with using women as motivation for success is that it’s not sustainable. You have fine ass women, now what? Do you keep striving and keep climbing up the hill or do you stagnate? Most women are attracted to success, but the kind who are attracted to your things are not the kind you are going to want to be around very long. These women bring bad energy and are seeking to consume rather than facilitate.
Look, I get it women are amazing. They smell good, they’re soft, and feminine, and delicate. They look good and know how to make you feel good. They come in so many shapes and sizes and hair types and forms of beauty. The best ones are great to talk to and very insightful. I understand the pursuit. Shooters shoot. This is why discipline is so important. Chasing skirts can impede your progress in so many ways, and please believe people notice. That guy that’s known as a playboy is cool as a young man, but there are few things sadder than then the old thirsty guy in the club. Which is the final concern with using women as a motivation: eventually you will age out. How are you going to use chasing women as a motivation in your 40s and 50s. You’ll be competing with younger men that you should be mentoring. Any external motivation is temporary because it won’t always be there. Internal Motivation is the one thing you can never run away from because you can never run away from yourself. So balance your woman time. Don’t let your life pass you by chasing women because they aren’t going anywhere.
While women are a great distraction for many men, they aren’t the only distraction. Some guys don’t care about that pursuit or aren’t very good at it. Many times these men are attracted by something else: Entertainment. As I got older I stopped playing video games as much. To the point now that I might play a videogame on my Xbox once a week, but more likely every other week. I just don’t have the time based on some of my other pursuits. This isn’t necessarily a good or bad thing, it’s just a choice I’ve made. I know people that play video games 10-20 hours a week that have no aspirations of monetizing that gaming habit. It’s a time suck that could be used for more productive things, but only if you desire productivity. that many hours could be an extra 10-30k in your pocket, it’s enough to pursue a Master’s Degree, it’s enough time to launch a business, it’s enough time to get in shape. There are lots of ways to spend that much time. To be clear I don’t want to sound like the '“video games are bad” curmudgeon. It’s not about the video games it’s about the time suck that isn’t edifying beyond the opiate it provides as entertainment. It isn’t different than people who spend hours on social media every day and posting hella selfies with no plan or desire to monetize. One might say “But Rob, what’s wrong with hobbies?” Nothing is wrong with hobbies, but if you are spending 10-20 hours a week on a hobby, and you’re perfectly happy with where you are in life then have at it. I’m only speaking to the guys that could be doing more and want to be doing more. As we all know time is a finite resource and how you spend it is a reflection of what you want it life.
Look its your life exploding in the background. But at least you got the girl, right?
D shouldn’t stand for Deflection
There is a lot of whining happening in male spaces. To be fair most of it is online. Be it social media, YouTube, or online forums, I see a lot of butthurt bitterness. Men whining about how women ain’t shxt, how they have it easier, how they need to adjust their expectations, how they do guys dirty, how they’re gold diggers, how they’re only attracted to toxic men, etc. How about this bruh: Who gives a shxt? Here’s the thing about complaining about women. It ain’t going to change shxt you got going on. If there is some formula that states if you complain about women long enough you’ll be successful then someone needs to put me on to it because I missed the announcement. There are a couple of different types of men I know who I don’t ever hear complaining about women:
Men who aren’t interested in Toxic Women
Men who can get the interest of quality
Men who aren’t hurt about getting rejected
Men who are living in their purpose and achieving their goals
Men who are focused more on self-improvement than chasing booty
If you’re one of those guys that like to complain about what women are doing, there is a VERY good chance you’re not one of the men above. The complaining is typically a manifestation of the frustration that man feels in not getting attention from the type of woman he wants. Otherwise, why complain? If you like chocolate ice cream why concern yourself with what chocolate ice cream has going on? This complaining about the quality of women is a form of deflection that has the same result as scapegoating, which is to dodge the problem. If most of the women are the problem it means it’s not your fault. You don’t have to look in the mirror and acknowledge the real issue. Are you attracted to toxic women? Why aren’t you attracting high-quality women? Are you still holding on to the pain that a previous woman caused in your life and you’re fearful of being hurt again is tainting your view of all women? Do you have an unfounded sense of entitlement that women should want you because of an unrealistic self-view? You won’t know unless you do some real self-examination. This is not something that is even women-centric. Men complain about other men all the time, it's just that most men have a name for that type of guy: Lame. We have no problem calling him that and most men will agree. What type of man complains about men that have no effect on his life or goals? A lame. Now just pretend that same guy is complaining about women in the same fashion. It’s not masculine and is very concerning that these types of voices are dominating male spaces. One might ask “But Rob Immortal you’re talking about men that have no bearing on who you are.” That’s true but I’m hoping to improve other people through my bumps, bruises, and observations. I’ll be deconstructing this trend in a future entry, but know that in my opinion, it’s not positive, and its long-term effects will not put men who think like that in a healthy place.
This is how you look when you’re complaining about what women are doing
Fear of the Uncomfortable
Men are getting soft. There I said it. I don’t mean compared to our grandparents, I mean in general. Men are taking the path of least resistance more and more often. Giving up is easier than failing. Some of that is the society we live in. Success is broadcasted and fabricated in many different ways via social sites, television, and general media. No one broadcasts their Ls and we all know taking an L doesn’t feel good. I think there is something deeper though. Many men have a lack of mentorship, they don’t have someone they are close to that is successful. It gives people a chance to see up close what is required to be successful. It’s not a straight line and is a lot of trial and error. We are wired to reject discomfort, but that uncomfortable place is where most growth lies. We learn more about ourselves in these darker places where we have to exceed our limits and ignore our natural desires to throw in the towel. This willingness to give in is leading to an epidemic of mediocrity. What is sad about this, in my opinion, is how it clashes with potential. I believe every person on this earth is capable of breaking out of that mediocre cycle. We all have a talent or skill that is above the standard given to everyone else. What is required to develop it is being an uncomfortable place. That discomfort eventually grows into something more familiar and when it does you have grown and are better for it. When a man shuns discomfort he is shunning his own development and shortchanging himself. Now I could go full asshole and just say men are on some pu$$y shxt, but I think it’s a legit issue of men not knowing what lies beyond the horizon when they stay in that uncomfortable place. If men knew what they were giving up every time they quit too early then they would be less likely to quit. There is not a single man that was able to maintain success that didn’t try and didn’t push past what they thought was possible.
Being Soft will get you Soft results, if you like being soft embrace it.
Do What You Want
If you’ve got your life together, if you’re living in a state of consistent holistic goal achievement and growth, feel free to ignore everything I’ve said. What you’re doing is obviously working and I certainly don’t want to disrupt that. If you’re someone that embraces mediocrity, desires it, and is comfortable with it, please ignore what I’m saying. There is nothing wrong with being mediocre. It’s perfectly okay. The problem is complaining and being dissatisfied with it and doing nothing about it. No one likes a complainer. It’s a form of misery that loves company and is usually only attracting other miserable people. You don’t have to live in mediocrity if you don’t want, but you need to understand that the next level isn’t easy, if it was most people would be there. You’re going to have to deny yourself many things to grow. You will have to say no to some things to say yes to others. You may not be able to spend as much time chasing women, or playing video games, or scrolling social media. You may have to “embrace the suck” of being in an uncomfortable place for an extended period of time. You will definitely have to start looking in the mirror more and taking ownership of your shortcomings. These are all things that I’ve had to do and in the immediate, they weren’t fun or easy, but in the long term they’ve allowed me to live a life I enjoy more and that is closer to who I want to be in this world. I believe that type of happiness is worth the sacrifice. However, for good or for bad we all have the right to do what we want with ourselves.
- Rob Immortal