Welcome...
“Luminous creatures are we, not this crude matter…”
First off, I’m Rob Immortal. Yes, Robert is my christened name. No, my father’s last name is not Immortal. Immortal is a mindset, its a desire, it is a goal. I want to create changes that affect a permanent and lasting change in those I love, care about, and hope to influence.
What is this thing called Grown.Man.Shxt. and Why you spell it like that?
I’ve been on a journey. My goal is excellence in Life, not in one specific place but holistically. As some of you may be familiar I had a podcast with my now ex-wife called Black.Married.Fly. I’m not married anymore but I’m still Black and im still Fly as Fxck*. The divorce was amicable, she’s still a dope person. We started as friends and our relationship works better when that’s all we are to each other. The time since I’ve been divorced has forced a journey in self-exploration. Who am I as a man? What is my purpose? Who do I want to be? What is dating like these days? Do I still got it (with the ladies)? I’ve discovered many things on this journey of finding myself. Some of them are around all those questions I asked myself. But in the discovery process, I realized something…
We have a Man Problem
Based on the self-discovery journey I’ve been on and hours and hours of conversations I’ve had with men of all ages, I believe that many men are in a situation where we have to figure out who we are and what manhood looks like for us. It’s not the same as yesteryear where many of us were given a blueprint or template from our forefathers that we knew would work for us. Technology, world events, pandemics, and a changing culture have made things more complicated. It’s like feeling around in the dark to get to that door to greatness and there are beartraps and snakepits and quicksand on the path to that door. There isn’t a sherpa or a map or a strategy guide that is going to say “Aye bruh, you’re not ready for that Quest, go do this stuff and make sure you get this armor because you’re going to need it.” Many of us never get through that door to manhood and succumb to the pain and problems of traps that lay in wait for us. Every man needs mentorship and wise counsel. My mentors have mentors and I am a mentor myself. I think most men know this innately and some seek it out in unqualified places (more on that in another post), but most desire. I will go into detail about what the position of a man is, what happens when a man is not in his position, and what we as men can do to get back in position over the course of this journey of self-discovery and improvement. For the moment know that I believe it is vital that men continue to work on themselves and grow as it is important to the communities we inhabit.
A Desire to Help is What inspired this Blog
Men are still humans at the end of the day. Contrary to popular belief our needs go beyond the physical. Even though some of us act like our only desire is to hump things and buy shiny objects, we are ALL more complex than that. Sustaining long-term success should be holistic and to quote a good friend and frat brother of mine “the way you do one thing is the way you do all things.” I believe the basic aspects of wellness for a man are in three spaces:
Mental Health
What are you feeding your Mind?
What are you doing to improve your Discipline?
What are your goals and how do you Visualize them?
Physical Health
Do you view your body as an investment?
What are you doing to protect that investment?
Emotional Health
Therapy - Are you talking to someone that is helping you to grow
Decompression - How do you manage and offload stress in your life?
Many of us focus on the Physical piece. Dad bods might be trending but Ladies will always love big biceps and a six-pack. Having a good working body is important, but is often the other two pillars of Mental and Emotional Health that are the foundation of the long-term success that so many of us seek. All three of these pillars affect each other. For example, at one point I was very unhealthy physically (the details of which will be for a later conversation), the REASON I was unhealthy was because I had unhealthy coping mechanisms and I had very little discipline. Disruption in one of the three zones can affect the others the same way a weak leg on a stool makes for an unstable chair. It’s important you are aware of what you feed your mind the same way it's important what you feed your body. To that end, I’ll be discussing books and media that have helped me grow mentally. Discipline is critical, an undisciplined man is barely a man at all because his mind is not control his urges are. Being able to visualize your goals to keep you motivated and stay in the fight for achievement has helped me in a major way. Physical health and fitness is a popular industry and there are many well-qualified people discussing ways to get ripped, but I’ll be discussing the things I’ve done personally on my own fitness journey (and it’s been an arduous one). But the most important thing that I’ve done has been talking to a therapist. I talk to a licensed professional every week and don’t miss those appointments for almost any reason. It is very important that you talk to a qualified individual that can help you detangle your issues and thoughts on a consistent basis. The same way you need to stretch and warm-up before a workout, or that you need to eat correctly to have strong workouts and build a better body, you NEED to talk to someone to bolster the other parts of your emotional health and the other columns of the wellness of the inner man.
All three Wellness pillars work together to serve the needs of the man. When all three areas are strong it makes for a high performing balanced man that is confident and successful.
Looking the Part
The core of the man MUST be stable for success but it’s nice to have those external accoutrements that show a man is confident. Like Deion Sanders says “when you look good, you feel good, when you feel good you play good.” I believe that to be true. When you step out in that suit that fits properly with the tie and kerchief that compliment each other, a stately tie pin, a good set of cuff links and a watch that complements the whole fit…it’s a whole other mood. I’m walking different, my energy is different, and I’m ready to handle business. Now I don’t believe that clothes make the man, a clown in a suit is still a clown, but when you’ve got the 3 pillars of your inner man fully engaged…being well dress is going to elevate who you are to the rest of the world. It’s like giving a samurai the perfectly balanced katana or giving a sniper that rifle that’s been zeroed in and balanced. Many of us don’t know what works for us when it comes to fashion. We often replicate what we see celebrities and athletes doing without thinking about what actually works for our energy, body type, and personality. I certainly don’t consider myself a fashion expert, but I have learned a lot about myself on my journey about what does and doesn’t work for me at this point in my life. Expect to know more about some of the tips and tricks I’ve learned along the way through this content.
“Fashion is what you buy, style is what you do with it.” A good suit is an accessory to your confidence and inner man, not the other way around.
Take Care of Home
A Junky house is a sign of a junky mind. Your home is and should be a reflection of who you are. It should be an oasis you can recharge in and a place where you can be your most productive self. Often disorganization and a lack of systems will drag your efficiency and capability to knock out the tasks of your day. An unkempt place is an indicator of a lack of discipline. It’s not difficult to keep your house clean, it just has to be something you desire to do and something you commit to. But beyond that decorating is considered feminine societally. What guy doesn’t want to have a nice place? And if you’re entertaining, who doesn’t want a place that looks nice, smells good, and is an expression of who they are? On my journey toward excellence and self-improvement, I figured out what works for me, but they are also things I think will work for many men that are seeking to refine themselves.
Who wouldn’t want to come home to a place that is serene and decluttered? (And no, this ain’t my place, but I wouldn’t mind staying here).
I have so much more growing to do. I have a world to discover both within myself and in the literal world around me. I have new experiences to achieve and be able to reminisce on. I don’t portray myself as a perfect creature. If it’s something I’m discussing here, it’s probably something I learned about myself the hard way.
So tune, grab a seat, get some snacky snacks, and prepare to laugh about, learn something from, and probably judge my growth process.
- Rob Immortal