*This post was inspired by a crazy trip to Vegas that included laughing, crying, and every other human body function in between*
Welcome back to another installment of #CenteredThursdays, where the goal is introspection and positive personal growth. Today is all about friendships and what to do and not do when your friendships span over a decade.
I went to Vegas to celebrate a birthday with three of my closest friends. We have a group chat, we text and even call each other, and we've known each other since freshman year of HIGH SCHOOL but at the end of the day, we don't really now each other like we think we do. That was proven over our trip.
To make a long story less long, me and my friend Cyn got to talking and we realized that we hadn't really been keeping up with each other like friends should, so I have compiled a list of Dos and Don'ts that I have learned that either make or break a friendship:
- DO apologize when you're wrong
Although I have gotten better about this through the years, sometimes when emotions are high and raw that we tend to cut deep and that can be scary. Just ask my friends about the remote incident.
- DON'T wait until you're drunk to have heart-to-heart conversations
Liquor can be the Truth Serum for sure, but there's a time and place to have important and heartfelt talks - its just not on the Monorail platform at 11P
- DO spend your time with people whom you are comfortable with and can open up with about your thoughts, aspirations and fears
My friends and I talk a lot about many things, but I'm realizing that we don't always communicate, so there's definitely room for balance. I know that we're all on our unique paths in life, and we tend to just focus on that, but we can watch Jersey Shore and talk about future career goals.
- DON'T waste time being mad at your friends when a simple conversation can clear up misunderstandings
I'm not even sure what got us here, but it was revealed to me that when it comes to certain topics, my friends don't always know how to talk with me about them. And sometimes realizing that you're the crappy friend (don't worry, we all take turns being this friend) causes you to withdraw without even realizing it. It helps to be present in every relationship. physically, mentally, and emotionally, and that means talking things out
- DO wait for an appropriate time to broach sensitive topics
Okay, so maybe the monorail platform isn't ideal and maybe even a little unsafe, but I am glad that we got to talk. In the future though, I think chatting over coffee would work just as well. :)
- DON'T assume that you aren't as close with someone because you think they don't value you
Cyn and I have been friends since 7th grade, so you can imagine the growth that we have experienced - ups, downs, twists and turns, laughs and boo-hoo crying. But somewhere along the way, the distance grew between us and we became different people. Distance and evolution don't necessarily spoil a friendship, but you have to make the time and effort to relearn a person. Cyn and I have had many plans together, but some of them fell through. Am I mad at her about it? no, not anymore at least, because i understand that we all need different things in our lives. but did I think that because of the distance and failed plans that she did not value me like her other friends? Absolutely. And that was wrong of me. Assumptions don't lead any of us down the right path, and I don't want to end up blowing up at her another decade from now over some assumptions that could have been worked out in a conversation
- DO acknowledge when you fall short, but DON'T take on all the blame yourself
In our drunkenness, Cyn told me that she was a crappy friend. I think that she's actually pretty awesome, but I know for sure that there is way more that each of us can do to meet each other halfway and really, truly grow our friendship in a deserving manner. I, for one, know my ain't-shit tendencies, so there was no way I could let her take on all of that on her own, but at least now we have a place to start our growth and healing as friends.
- DO understand that although we may not share the same priorities, that doesn't mean that you don't care about the other person
Cyn, I care about you. I always have. Remember when I talked you into going to Physics Camp with me and we got free calculators. Those were the best of nerdy times, but even throughout that experience, I realized that physics was not your priority as it was mine. That didn't make me feel like we were lesser friends because of it. So similarly in our other views, if our priorities don't always match, that doesn't mean that I don't care about what you think is important. I love you and I'll always care about you, even when I hurl remotes in your direction :)
Life is hard, but we shouldn't make it harder on ourselves. We all have room to grow into better versions of ourselves; we just have to remember to visit and water our friendship gardens.
Being the Crappy Friend is an original post and appeared first on BYNKradio.com by Jazzmyn Blu.